just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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