He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
