You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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