i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
