What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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