I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
