Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
