Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
