when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize