never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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