Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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