we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
