If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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