but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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