Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
