There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
