How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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