im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
