My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
