Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
