I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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