found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
