now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
