their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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