He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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