im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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