just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
