I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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