you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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