new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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