fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I currently don't understand fingers.
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