I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
