You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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