we're blogging at a bar
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
