Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
