What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
