The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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