allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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