if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
