Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize