I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
