Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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