Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
