I got chris browned last night
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
