So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
