Swine flu. Run for my life!
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
