When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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