i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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