Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
People with herpes should wear stickers.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
