I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
