Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
