what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
they're like a gay fantastic four
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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