Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I think people are normalizing furries
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
