We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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