ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
only you would photoshop your dick
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
