Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Come on in and take your pants off
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
