have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
