I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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