I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Come on in and take your pants off
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