the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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