Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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