Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize