i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
