i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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