Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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