I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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