you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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