So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
