I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
