I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
