Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
