I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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