WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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