my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
