If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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