ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
