Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
