i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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