I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
