I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
