nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
