I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
