So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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