the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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