i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
