Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
