I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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