You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
