Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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