i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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