I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
