just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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