I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
