i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
