So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
