You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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