K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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