I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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